Dolt and Troy

2006-07-21T14:15:00.000-05:00

Dance, Dance Revolution

2006-06-16T12:05:00.000-05:00

I try to limit my postings on Paris Hilton because, well, she's a vapid whore who has nothing interesting to say EVER and is only famous because she is rich and stupid and for some reason American's are shamelessly FASCINATED by rich and stupid people. I also know no one really cares about the Lindsay Lohan/Paris Hilton fued, unless you are a unshowered, bloated, asshole heir to a large oil fortune.

HOWEVER...

Apparently, the "fued" a.k.a. "free publicity for Paris' new album and Lindsay's new movie" reached new heights on Wednesday night at club Butter in NYC. According to People.com the two had a unofficial dance-off to prove, what exactly?

" 'Neither wanted to leave and it kept going. No one was going to leave before the other.' Still, the feuding duo never even acknowledged each other. 'They were really dancing, non-stop ... They didn't say a word to each other, but they were literally a foot-and-a-half away from each other the entire time.' The ladies kept their competition going until Stereo's owner finally closed the doors at 7 am."

Well, I don't know about you, but the last time I was at a club, I ran into my ex-best friend and do you know what I did? I threw down a little running man and a little cabbage patch and then I was like "Bitch, you got served!". If you think she messed with me again....well, you'd be right.

Dolt and Troy Contest:: Who Is This Man?

2006-06-02T10:08:00.000-05:00

Name this man and you win:

A weekend in Atlantic City
A down payment on a new above-ground swimming pool
A $100 gift card to Wal-Mart

*All of those who enter will receive a complimentary pair of flip flops, for those last minute reststop bathroom breaks.

Pieces, Pieces, Pieces of My Old Nose

2006-05-25T21:27:00.000-05:00

It's the first sign of the apocolypse. Jessica Simpson has been cloned. What? Oh, that's Ashlee Simpson? Why is she trying so hard to look like her sister? I guess she decided that being a faux-rocker, Avril Lavigne wanna-be wasn't working for her. And when you're a ripping off a faux-rocker you know your career path isn't working so well. I guess as a last resort she wanted to be a stand-in for Jessica on her next movie. Well, that's just silly too, because is Jessica really going to have another movie?

Oh, yeah and check out her new nose sans hump.

Ladies and Gentlemen, You're American Idol!

2006-05-25T20:54:00.000-05:00

American Idol concluded it's fifth season last night with what was probably the most predictable finale EVER. Taylor Hicks was crowned the Idol, becoming the oldest winner ever at age 72. He also kept the southern streak alive by being the third winner from Alabama and the fifth winner from a red state. In true American style, more people voted for the final two contestants than voted in our last presidential election. Sad, but true. We weren't told by what margin Taylor Hicks won AI, presumably because it was such an upset over Katharine McPhee, who McSucked on Tuesday night. Hicks had never been in the bottom three so it wasn't too much of a surprise when he was named the winner. It's good to see America doesn't discriminate against those with physical disabilities. SOUL PATROL!!

Goooooo Elliott!!!!

2006-05-11T12:27:00.000-05:00

Hearts around the country broke last night as Chris Daughtry got voted off American Idol. The look of shock on his face showed that no one was more surprised than Chris himself. This just goes to prove that no matter what the media says, you can never start to believe your own press.

My predictions:

Chris will go on to become the most successful American Idol contestant of all time.
The teeny-bopper girl vote may carry Katharine into the final two.
If Elliot continues to bring it like he did this week, he'll join her in the final two and take it all.
If Taylor makes it into the final two, he will win it all, no matter who he's against.
Paula will publish a book titled My Life: A Guide to Deciphering Slurred Speech.

In Case You Missed It

2006-05-08T22:04:00.000-05:00

It Just Gets Worse and Worse...

HOLY CRAP!

2006-05-05T11:15:00.000-05:00

We all thought that the Amazing Race has worn out it's welcome. The debacle that was last seasons "Family Edition" almost put the last nail in the coffin. This season was a bit disappointing as well to start. The race route seemed less challenging and practically all of the pairs this season (The Hippies excluded) have been pretty lame. But, this Wednesday's episode solidfied the fact that The Amazing Race is still THE BEST reality show on television. With only four teams left everyone is stepping up their game, and it's getting UGLY and by ugly I mean AWESOME!

In this episode the Frat Boy(friends) played dirty, cancelling cab reservations for the other teams and then letting Team MoJo, (yes, Monica and Joseph actually call themselves that) take the blame for it. The Hippies yielded MoJo (a play that causes the chosen team to delay racing until an hour glass runs out) causing them to fall far into last place. Then due to a poor choice in Detours, The Hippies and The Frat Boys fell behind as well, leaving Ray and Yolanda (inarguably the worst performing team remaining) the opportunity to slide easily into first place at the pit stop. So just when I think evil Team MoJo is going to easily be eliminated, they manage to finish their properly chosen detour quickly enough to catch up with the FratHippies. Would there really be a three-way foot race to the finish?!?! Or was this just a classic editing ploy? The three teams hit the pit stop location at the exact same time, hop out of their cars, and IT. WAS. ON. Monica was unable to keep up with five sprinting guys so it appeared that my dream of her elimination was about to come true! But, wait!! One of the Hippies decided to take a little shortcut through a ravine and got tangled up in the rocks which allowed Monica to catch up with the pack. Would she be able to edge ahead of B.J.?

The three teams rushed to the mat, Eric and Jeremy first, then Joseph, Tyler....MONICA. B.J. missed the mat by an inch. Poor form B.J., poor form. (heh heh, poor form B.J., get it? GET IT?) As Monica and Joseph gloated my heart was breaking. Was this really the end for American's Favorite Hippies? Not a chance! The Hippies were saved by another non-elimination leg!

It's now time for everyone to step up their game. Will Ray and Yolanda be able to stay at the top? Will The Hippies/MoJo rivalry intensify? Will Eric be able to keep his nipple rings in place? Will Monica ever stop saying stupid things?

You gotta watch to find out.

FreeVideoCoding.com

Trailer Heaven

2006-05-03T07:36:00.000-05:00

Pirates of the Caribbean 2 Trailer

Superman Returns Trailer

Both look AWEEEEEEEEEsome!!! And I think you can see me in the background of the Pirates of the Caribbean trailer drinking a gatorade and eating a granola bar. Background Extras hard at work.

DOLT UPDATE: Troy seems to have forgotten the more important X-Men 3 The Last Stand. Yes, I know most of you have seen it already, however, it's so good it's worth watching again.

Are You There God? It's Me Dolt....Again.

2006-04-27T11:45:00.000-05:00

No, Kellie, and neither are Mermaids.

Are You There God? It's Me Dolt.

2006-04-26T20:33:00.000-05:00

Obviously you are because you have answered my prayers!!!! Kellie Pickler, everyone's favorite country-fried idiot finally got the boot on American Idol tonight. Looks like America actually does have a limit as to just how many inane comments they can stomach (President Bush notwithstanding). Not to mention a limit as to how much horrible singing they can take (Ashlee Simpson, notwithstanding). Pickler is deservedly going home after she twanged her way through what can only be called the WORST. COVER. OF "UNCHAINED MELODY". EVER.

Hey, Kellie, when a guy comes up to you in a couple of months and he asks if he can see if the curtains match the drapes, don't think it's weird, he is just really into interior design.

VOTE FOR ELLIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Make your own Pickler-isms at kickpickler.com

Readers Poll

2006-04-25T22:16:00.000-05:00

You are the last three people on earth....who do you choose to procreate with?

Oh Dear God, She Really Did Do It Again!

2006-04-25T21:37:00.000-05:00

US Weekly is reporting today that, yes, Britney Spears is officially preggers with Fed-Spawn number 2! A "source" told the magazine that the "singer" was seen poolside at Ceaser's Palace in Las Vegas sporting a red bikini and a serious pregnancy bump. Looks like The Sperminator has struck again! Britney should probably just give this one up right out of the womb and save the people at Child Protective Services a whole lot of time and paperwork.

Brenda Walsh Can Solve Your Problems

2006-04-23T22:10:00.000-05:00

At first I thought it was my dream come true. My hero, Shannen Doherty was moving into the world of reality television. What could be more entertaining than watching Brenda Walsh bitch slap people in the comfort of our own homes?

Alas, it was not meant to be.

The former 90120 star is indeed getting her own show, however, instead of giving us a peek into her life, Doherty is going to be trying her hand at couples therapy.

Huh? Say again, please?

Yes, you read right. The headline-making actress will be starring in Oxygen's "Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty," which consists of her, "rescuing people from toxic relationships." Each episode will have Doherty going undercover to assess each relationship before deciding either to leave the lovebirds alone or destroy the pairing. To keep her identity hidden, she'll dye her hair blonde, use a bad french accent, and go by the alias Laverne.

Ok, so call me crazy, but I don't think Shannen Doherty is exactly the person I want giving me advice on how to manage my relationships.

In case you've forgotten (you know you haven't), here's why:

Sentenced to anger-management counseling by the Beverly Hills Municipal Court for an incident that occurred in August 1996; she got into an argument with 22 year old Corey Hanker and smashed a beer bottle on his car window as he tried to drive away from her.
In 1994, she was removed from Beverly Hills, 90210 at end of it's 4th season. According to producer Aaron Spelling, it was due to constant conflicts with other cast members and repeatedly late appearances on the set.
She was engaged and separated to Dean Factor by 1991; engaged and separated to Chris Foufas by 1992; and married Ashley Hamilton two weeks after meeting him, and they divorced after less than a year.
Shannen had a brief courtship with actor Judd Nelson after they met on the set of the 1994 film Blindfold, and in true Hollywood fashion, started dating director Rob Weiss, broke up with him, got engaged, and broke up with him again.
In 2003, reconciled with then-estranged husband Rick Salomon, star of the cult classic One Night in Paris, AFTER the tape hit the internet (which caused them to separate in the first place). Their marriage was later annulled.
And FINALLY in the most awesome story of them all, Doherty allegedly punched Paris Hilton in the face when the two ran into each other at a party during the aforementioned sex tape scandal. Why she wasn't directing that anger at her hubby is questionable, however anybody who punches Paris Hilton in the face is ok by me.

Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? The Oxygen network, you say? Well, yeah, ok, good guess. But this is just a recipe for HORRIBLE. What's that? Duh, of course I'll watch it.

Everybody Hates Julia

2006-04-21T10:23:00.000-05:00

This past Wednesday night marked the broadway debut of Julia Roberts in the revival of the play Three Days of Rain. To call the reviews for this play "harsh" would be putting it nicely. I would say it's more along the lines of "scathing", "brutal", or even "savage".

Here are some taglines you DON'T want to hear describing your latest project:

Clive Barnes of the New York Post exclaims: "Hated the play. To be sadly honest, even hated her."
Howard Kissel of the New York Daily News proclaims: "As mesmerizing as she is onscreen, she has surprisingly little stage presence."
Peter Marks of The Washington Post declares: "Roberts gave it the old college try...That is all she appears capable of...she is long-faced, long-nosed, and almost ordinary...How come (she looks like this)? In her movies, do they use magic cameras or something?"

OUCH.

Now, I have been saying for years that I didn't get the obsession with Julia Roberts. I think she's a really fun actress, but I wouldn't say necessarily great. She's along the same lines as Meg Ryan or (and if you know me, you know how much this pains me to say) Sandra Bullock. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's won an Oscar for Erin Brokovich, I KNOW. Do I need to mention Marisa Tomei, Mira Sorvino, or most recently Three 6 Mafia? Well...I guess I just did.

Just because you may have great film presence doesn't make you a great stage actress. It's sad that because of the lack of interest in Broadway in recent years, productions are now forced to make their money by hiring big name stars to fill the seats. Despite it's horrible reviews, Three Days of Rain has already sold out it's entire twelve week run, with tickets on Ebay going for as high as $800. Also sad? Experts are already saying that Roberts will most likely still garner a Tony nomination, due to lack of competition in her category.

Don't fret though Julia. You are still the best at giving your children really horrible names! Moses and Suri be damned!!!

Netflix Fever

2006-04-20T19:08:00.000-05:00

Netflix Rentals

#4 Freaks and Geeks: The Complete Series Disc One
#5 Freaks and Geeks: The Complete Series Disc Two
Definte Rentals

Freaks and Geeks was a show I only saw a handful if episodes of back in the day however, I have never forgotten it. It was a tv "dramedy" that aired on NBC during the 1999-2000 TV season. Although the show garnered much critical acclaim and a devoted cult following, repeated pre-emption and scheduling changes hurt it's ratings. The show was cancelled after only 12 episodes aired. A fan-led campaign, not unlike Dolt's Veronica Mars crusade for the first season on DVD, caused NBC to broadcast three more episodes in July 2000. Unfortunately, three others would not be seen until September of that year when the cable channel Fox Family aired them in syndication.

This show's DVD rental carried more heart and brought more smiles to Troy's face than any rental has in a long time. This is TV at its best. I still have about 4 Discs left and I'm in no hurry to finish them. You can only watch these for a first time once.

#6 Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit - Good Rental
Next time you babysit or just want to pretend your a kid and giggle at cute clay rabbits, rent this movie. Very fun.

#7 Arrested Development: Season One Disc One - Definte Rental
The Peace Corps had its drawbacks, no FOX. I had never seen an whole episode of Arrested Development before and watching the first Disc of Season One. The show is slowing drawing me into one of the funnier sitcoms that I've seen in the last couple of years. I have a feeling as the show finds an even a better rhythm than it has now, later in Season One and Season Two, it's going to be a C=L-A-S-S-I-C.

IT'S HEEERRRREEEE!!!!!!!

2006-04-19T08:12:00.000-05:00

Tom and Katie had their baby. It's a girl. They named it Suri, (meaning red rose in Persian). She had an epidural. Apparently the "silent" birth was blown out of proportion and only applicable to the others in the room, not the mother.

Ironically, and by ironic I mean, AWESOME, Brooke Shields had her baby, Grier, with husband Chris Henchy (thanks Karin) in the same hospital at the same time on the same floor. Poor Brooke, even her newborn child can't escape The Cruise. Maybe he offered to trade placentas as a peace offering.

*Photo courtesy of http://freakingnews.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=792&start=1&amp;amp;amp;end=10&display=photoshop (winning entry to Tom Cruise baby photo contest. Thanks Franco.)

Tom's Placenta A la Carte

2006-04-18T17:24:00.000-05:00

Tom Cruise boasted about eating fiancèe Katie Holmes's placenta when baby Cruise is born, Cruise said in an interview.

The Mission: Impossible III actor, 43, said: "I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I am gonna eat the cord and the placenta right there" But when it was pointed out it would be a very big meal, he retorted: "OK. Maybe I won't."

Though some claim that eating afterbirth may help prevent post-partum depression, it won't help the mom if dad eats it.

Placentophagia, eating the placenta, is practiced in many cultures, but it is less common in western society. In 1998 a British TV chef fried a placenta and served it to his guests.

The baby, rumored to be a girl, is due any day and the couple plan to wed in the summer.

Stop Talking, Eva Longoria!

2006-04-17T19:38:00.000-05:00

I've been meaning to call her out on this for a while and now she's finally given me a chance to. Eva Longoria is upset. The Desperate sex-pot is making it known that she doesn't enjoy the fact that the press focuses so much on her sex life. “It’s annoying, absolutely,” she told Reuters just shy of Friday’s release of her new movie, thriller “The Sentinel,” in which she portrays a rookie U.S. Secret Service agent. Secret Service agent, heh. “I respect good journalism. I respect certain newspapers and certain publications, and they are just watered down by the bounty for gossip and pictures and information that is irrelevant and uninteresting,” she said.

Hey Eva, here's an idea: If you don't want your sex life discussed by the press, then how about you STOP DISCUSSING YOUR SEX LIFE WITH THE PRESS!

Let's review:

01/2005 - In an interview with Rolling Stone, Longoria is asked, "What is the best sex you've had all year?"

She answers, "Probably with my vibrator. I own two. I have the rabbit one, and I give that as a gift all the time to other girls for a birthday or the like. It's the best gift to give: an orgasm. And if I can't do it for ya, I'll give you the tools to succeed! I have one rabbit and a Pocket Rocket.”

01/2005 - Maxim magazine gets the actress to open up about her preferred undergarments.

“I wear G-strings every day, all the time. I actually don’t even own a full-bottom pair of underwear. I also love lingerie, and I love high heels, but I prefer total nakedness overall. That, to me, is so much sexier.”

01/2005 - Eva Longoria is a pedophile.

"I wouldn't mind bedding down with a teenager. Men reach their sexual peak at 19, so I'm all for it."

02/2005 - Longoria talks to The Daily Star about how she likes to be tied up with silk scarves.

"There’s something very sexy about being submissive because your guard is down, you have to totally surrender to something like that.” She also tells the paper, "I wish men knew how women wanted to be touched. I’ve schooled all the boyfriends I’ve ever had, though every time I do, we end up breaking up and he goes off primed and ready to go for the next one."

8/2005 - Eva Longoria tells OK! magazine that she credits Brazilian bikini waxes with finally making her feel like a real woman.

"The first time (I felt like a woman) was when I got a Brazilian wax. I really think that was it. I thought: 'I was missing out on this whole other world before that Brazilian wax.' It was when I was 25 or 26. I never waxed or really paid attention to that area. But it came at the right time. It opened the door to a whole new sexual side of me. I felt like Angelina Jolie afterwards. (Getting in touch with) your inner sex goddess would begin with the Brazilian wax. And try dating a younger man - that's worked for me!"

3/2006 - Eva Longoria calls out current boyfriend and NBA star Tony Parker to Allure magazine.

"Tony's only been with one other person in his life. He's very sweet. I'm the experienced one. I'm the teacher, especially about love. He's always telling me he's never met anyone who loves the way I do - wholly, freely and unconditionally."

Well, call me Mistress Dolt and spank my ass but, I wouldn't necessarily be putting OK!, Allure, and Maxim on top of my "respected" journalist list. You know what you are getting with those magazines. Oh, and another thing, those "pictures" that are "irrelevant and uninteresting"....YOU POSED FOR! Don't be flashing your (bare) cooch all over the place if you don't want people to be curious about your sex life.

Now, I don't knock the woman for expressing herself. I don't judge anything she's said in terms of content. It's the contradictions that celebrities make when it's convenient for their career that drives me crazy. Eva Longoria is a millionaire because of her hot body and sexy role on a hit tv show. Just do us all a favor and don't bitch about it after the fact because now you want us believe you are a Secret Service agent. Secret Service agent, heh. Sorry, it just doesn't stop being funny.

I Just Threw Up a LIttle Bit in My Mouth

2006-04-14T07:15:00.000-05:00

Ah...another day, another interview where Tom Cruise tries to convince the world of his heterosexuality. This time he's in the May issue of GQ magazine discussing how "spectacular" his sex life is with pregnant detainee, ahem financee, Katie Holmes. Says Cruise, "Sex is about the connection. Great sex is a by-product, for me, of a great relationship, where you have communication and it's an extension of that. Where it's just free. And that's how it should be. It's spectacular. If you're not in good communication with your partner, it sucks. (Meaningless sex outside of a relationship) is really horrible and pathetic and lonely."

Wow. Really, Tom? Did Scientology teach you that? Cause I know when I go work my corner on Friday nights, I always feel really bad about myself the next day. I always wondered why that was.

Shut it you, you...Thetan!

Disclaimer: This is in no way meant to speak ill of the Church of Scientology. I love Scientologists. Some of my best friends are Scientologists. Yeah, uh, really they are. Please don't hurt me.

Source: IMDB
Photo Courtesy of: www.tomcruiseisnuts.com

My Name Is (What)? My Name Is (Who)? My name is? Bucky-Buck-Bucked Teeth!

2006-04-12T21:30:00.000-05:00

Bucky, we hardly knew ya. While we all knew it would happen sooner or later, none of us wanted to admit it. Our favorite marble-mouthed country boy, Bucky Covington became the latest casualty on American Idol. While this competition may have been too big for sweet Bucky, one couldn't help but love him. He may not have been the best singer (that would be Elliot) or the best performer (that would be Taylor), but he hung in there like a champ. So, I'd like to take this moment to remember the good times that Bucky gave us. Remember that time you sang Thunder Rolls? Your best performance! Or the time you hotrolled your hair? You are such a jokester! Or that time you turned "Superstition" into a mess of a country song? C-RAY-ZY!! But my favorite was when that blonde girl chased you around backstage with a wooden stake in her hand. Hi-LAR-ious!

Ah, but i jest, Bucky. You had more personality than half of the people left in the competition (I'm talking to you, ACE YOUNG). There was no bullshit or pretentiousness (unlike others, ACE YOUNG). You didn't put on leather pants and pretend you were a rocker (ahem, ACE YOUNG). No. You were just a simple man trying to fufill a dream.

I guess you'll just have to settle for a life of playing switcheroo with your brother Rocky. Bucky and Rocky. Heh.

* I was just looking up Bucky's past performances on Fox's Idol website and Bucky lists his favorite female artist as Pink and his favorite male artist as Eminem. Uh......WTF?! How does that make any sense? How awful, and by awful I mean AWESOME, would it have been to see Bucky bust a little Eminem?

Brokeback Snake Mountain

2006-04-12T16:08:00.000-05:00

Ok, I KNOW that the Brokeback Mountain jokes are very played out.

HOWEVER.

They saved the best for last....

You cannot call yourself a child of the 80's and not enjoy this:

BROKEBACK SNAKE MOUNTAIN

Big Brother ALL STARS!!!

2006-04-12T15:05:00.000-05:00

An all-time favorite of Dolt and Troy is the Reality show Big Brother on CBS. It's coming this summer so you might as well suck it up and watch it so your in the loop and get the jokes. BB is crazy addicting like crack rock, and lots of fun to hate on groups like the NERD HERD (even when Karin Cheves loves them). Anyways, Troy's has a major BB scoop for ya:

CBS has announced that the seventh installment of its house-arrested reality series Big Brother will be an all-star version, with viewers deciding which of the past players make it into the house.

Before fans get to weigh in, CBS and show producers will first whittle down contestants from the previous six seasons into a pool of 20, from which viewers will be able to select between 12 or 14 housemates to take their second shot at the game.

"This will be the most interactive Big Brother yet," exec producer Allison Grodner tells Variety. "Viewers will be getting involved more than in the past."

While producers didn't reveal in their press release Wednesday exactly how or when voting will take place--though the answers are likely online and soon--Variety reports that the process won't be entirely democratic, with producers retaining the right to up the dramatic ante by swapping out chosen players with those who aren't necessarily audience favorites.

Dolt and Troy will be back with another post shortly after we lock ourselves in the War Room and decide amongst ourselves who we think you should vote for to participate in BB All Star.

Troy Loves Dwight

2006-04-11T12:11:00.000-05:00

Dwight Schrute, Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy

Moses Meet Apple

2006-04-10T17:22:00.000-05:00

She named her second child Moses. Nuff said.

Net-Flixin like it was my J-O-B

2006-04-10T10:53:00.000-05:00

Netflix Rentals

#1 The Office Season One - Definte Rental
'I am a Lion' - Dwight. The only bad thing about this rental is that there were only 6 episodes in season one. That blew. Bring on season two.

#2 The Fortune Cookie - Don't Rent unless your babysitting old people
A 1966 classic with Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau that I have always meant to catch since hearing Matthau won a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for this film. A cute movie, but it's humor didn't really work like it must of in '66 other than little chuckle here and there.

#3 A History of Violence - Definte Rental
I really enjoyed this film. But it took me a day to realize just how much I liked it. A very interesting story, but not very complicated in plot. Almost lacking of the many layers you find in most films these days. Afterward I found myself asking if 'thats it' as the credits rolled. It's shot beautifully and the performances are great and I found myself really diggin on this film for how different it was in a way I had a hard time putting a finger on til the next day.

They Say It's Your Birthday...

2006-04-10T10:47:00.000-05:00

For those of you who didn't know, this past Saturday we celebrated my grandmother's 90th birthday. Since MamaDolt and I organized a big shindig up in Baltimore, I decided it would be more fun for me to bring my friends Chris and Lauren as my dates. So, armed with a digital camera, lots of old people, and an open bar, we surrendered ourselves to the experience. Now that the three of us have firmly secured a spot in hell for our actions, remember this: WE DID IT ALL FOR YOU.

Click on the pics for larger versions.

Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing: Chris and the Geriatrics!!!

Chris and his new girlfriend.

Chris and his new boyfriend...

"Let's keep this party ROCKIN!"

Who said polygamy was dead?

The Young and the Sexless.

Phil Mickelson looks a lot older in person...

Sometimes you wanna go where absolutely no one knows your na-a-ame.

Best. Bartender. EVER.

Thanks to Lauren for providing the awesome photography.

Most Surprising Story of the Year

2006-04-07T09:12:00.000-05:00

BREAKING NEWS!

EMINEM AND KIM DIVORCING AGAIN.

You can only get this type of scoop here at Dolt and Troy. Or you could of gotten this scoop the day they remarried by using your powers of deduction.

Looks like Eminem is back on the sleeping pills. His dependency, even after another stint in rehab hasn't helped the problem says his wife Kim, who called into a radio station to tell her side of the story as divorce papers were filed by Eminem after only 4 months. Eminem denies the addiction to pills as the reason for the divorce and said how can you believe that crazy bitch Kim.

Suck On It America!!

2006-04-06T09:08:00.000-05:00

WHAT?!?!?!

Speaking of Rosie

2006-04-06T06:22:00.000-05:00

Rosie O' Donnell has a documentary about her gay cruise premiering on HBO tonight. Below is the review from the Washington Post's Style section reminding us of the awfulness that is Rosie and everything she is attached to. It'll be hard to top the musical brodway bomb that was Taboo, starring coked-out Boy George, but she's trying.

'Rosie's Family Cruise' Steers Away From Deep Water

By Tom Shales

Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, April 6, 2006; Page C01

All aren't bored on "All Aboard! Rosie's Family Cruise," a dry documentary pulling out of dry dock tonight on HBO, and certainly many who watch won't be bored at all by it. Yet something seems amiss, almost a mess, as far as buoyant ebullience and see-worthy merriment are concerned.

It's as if the primary concern of Rosie O'Donnell, who captained the project, was presenting to the mainstream TV audience a scrubbed-up, politely tidy image of gay men and women -- a portrait meticulously devoid of the drag queens, pierced nipples and campy vamping one often sees when a local TV station rushes off to cover a gay-themed event. O'Donnell earns herself a citizenship award or a political correctness award, but the unfortunate byproduct of the consciousness-raising is that it isn't engaging, it isn't much fun, and sometimes it's punishingly platitudinous.

O'Donnell almost robs her subjects of their sexual identity in the pursuit of making them wholesome. In short, there is no gay cruising on this gay cruise.

Of course, one must remember that the emphasis here is on family -- the word, the concept, the ideal, the redefining. Many of the kids on board have two daddies, some have two mommies, one has a 350-pound former Green Bay Packer for a father, or Rosie and her current girlfriend for parents.

In the ship's La Trattoria Café, two men talk about the rigmarole they went through to adopt (with legal costs), adding one little complication of their own: Their son was born via artificial insemination, with both men serving as sperm donors.

"So technically," one explains, "we don't know which [of us] is the bio-dad." The adoptee doesn't know whom to buy a Bio-Dad's Day card for, either. One of the two male parents recalls his initial reaction to the plan: "I just thought, 'Wow,' you know?"

There are, of course, many people who would use language more colorful, and less inhibited, than "wow" in describing such new-world versions of parenting. Near the end of the documentary, when the boat docks in the Bahamas, some of the children on board get a firsthand look at the kind of hate groups who run around blaming homosexuals for virtually everything wrong with the world.

Filmmaker Shari Cookson apparently felt she needed to include some of this negative footage so that the program would not appear naive. We see a group of radical pseudo-Christians holding a rally at which they predict Armageddon and apocalypse and who knows what else -- another rise in gas prices perchance -- as the result of allegedly perverse activity such as double-daddy families.

Rhetoric and cant are even less intriguing to watch than are some of the goody-goody positive images put forth by the program and the children, young and quite old, who are trying to make a new system work -- and do so with a minimum of pain and chaos.

All Aboard! Rosie's Family Cruise airs tonight at 8 on HBO.

Back to back post's about two people Troy can't stand. What's on tap tomorrow? Probably a post about Kelly Ripa.

I Hate Katie Couric

2006-04-05T15:19:00.000-05:00

The Queen of Morning TV and co-host of the Today show on NBC has moved to CBS to take over the role as CBS Evening News Anchor starting this May. I do not think Couric belongs in the same league as any other network anchors that have come before her. But people, we may be moving into a world where a pop culture-morning show background and a household name carries more weight than professional big time investigative journalist who have worked for years in the wings at various networks/newsmagazines or on 24hr cable channels.

Not only do I think she shouldn't have landed this job on merit, I admit I have always hated Katie Couric and rooted for her to fail miserably in her life. Now this doesn't make the most sense as she has had hard luck in her life. Her first husband died of cancer at age 42. But I guess there are some people who just rub you the wrong way. This story just confirms that if you really want to succeed in life, just have Troy root against you.

Exception - Rosie O'Donnel

No One Wants to See Sharon Stone's Hoo-Ha

2006-04-05T13:07:00.000-05:00

For lack of any better news...

The apparently not-so-highly anticipated Basic Instinct 2 hit theatres this weekend. It came in tenth place...no, you didn't read wrong, that says TENTH PLACE. The sequel tied with Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, making 3.2 million dollars. Hell, She's the Man made at least 4 million. This means that more people wanted to see Amanda Bynes dressed up like a dude than they wanted to see a naked, sex-crazed Sharon Stone. I get it though. I saw the unedited trailer for BI2 online and trust me, it was filthy. Sorry, Sharon. No one wants to see you get asphixiated while having sex with some no-name actor. The only reason anyone went to see the first one was because the presence Michael Douglas made it a semi-reputable movie...and then we got to see his ass...and then I demanded my money back.

Question: Why would I want to pay ten dollars for a high class porno, when I can get the real thing for five bucks on On-Demand?

And the Creepy Couple Award Goes To......

2006-03-30T12:38:00.000-05:00

In Odd Couple News:

It appears that US Weekly has captured pictures of American Idol host Ryan Seacrest making out with Desperate Housewife Teri Hatcher on a beach in Los Angeles. This may dispel rumors of Seacrest's alleged homosexuality, however I think there's a better chance it will just propel rumors that he has a fetish for He-Man villians.

*Pics courtesy of US Weekly

Livin La Vida La Quinta

2006-03-29T20:17:00.000-05:00

Greetings from Vidor, Texas! Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

I am currently using the internet in the friendly confines of La Quinta Inn. Vidor is located on the border of Louisiana and Texas and is one of the many stops as I trek east on my long journey to Jacksonville, Florida. Thankfully La Quinta gave me two double beds, one for yours truly and one for Lebowski.

Dolt sources are questionable at best. My dramatic assimilation into the American culture has taken its toll since I concluded my service in the Peace Corps. Don't worry, I'm doing better and recovering nicely. I had considered an extended hiatus from the blog until my move to Florida had been completed, but due to the mass email demand and huge support for posts and articles by Troy...

I am happy to report that I'm back for LIFE!

Please send any question and thank you's to the President of the:
'Brian Troy - Back to Bloggin' Fan Club'
Stephen A. Davis
stephen@briantroy-backtobloggin.net

Calling All Snarkers!!!

2006-03-29T12:22:00.000-05:00

It's official. The Troy is leaving Mind Without Chatter. It is an indefinite departure at this point, but he may be back as a guest columnist from time to time. So, here's what I propose. It is difficult to stay on top of the blog by myself, so....if anyone would like to join me in my quest to deliver the latest and greatest gossip from the world of entertainment, please let me know. You can leave me a note in the comments section, or feel free to email me. If you have any ideas on how to bring a different angle to the site, feel free to make any suggestions.

If no one is interested well....suck it.

Britney Is A Role Model

2006-03-26T19:34:00.000-05:00

She's been immortalized on film and in pictures and (to some?) through her music, but now Britney Spears has been forever captured through the art of sculpture.

"Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston", a new sculpture created by artist Daniel Edwards, will be showing at Capla Kestling Fine Art in Brooklyn, NY through the month of April. This is being hailed as Pro-Life's first monument to celebrate "the act of giving birth". Though the sculpture is an idealized depiction of Britney in labor, it does feature natural aspects of the birth from her lactiferous breasts and protruding naval to a posterior view that reveals the crowning of Sean Preston's head.

Edwards says that Britney Spears, "provides inspiration for girls who are struggling with the 'right' choice." In other words, struggling with deciding whether to bring an innocent child into the world who has a crazy for a mother and a mooching loser for a father. He also says that he chose the singer because, "She was number one with Google last year, with good reason--people are inspired by the beauty of a pregnant woman."

Uhh....I don't know who he's talking about but....
l, compliment a posterior view that depicts widened hips for birthing and reveals the crowning of baby Sean’s he
Just a shot in the dark, but I don't think this is inspiring much other than impotence.

Spears was considered the "ideal" model for Pro-Life. Gallery co-director Lincoln Capla said, "A superstar at Britney's young age having a child is rare in today's celebrity culture. This dedication honors Britney for the rarity of her choice and the bravery of her decision."

Okay. Well, I think Britney is the ideal model for me to continue taking my happy pills or the ideal model for Ashlee Simpson's career in lip syncing. However, I can think of much better role models for Pro-Life...like Charlene, the girl from the trailor park a couple of towns over. Or any one of the lovely girls that were on last week's "Maury Povich" titled: "Help! My Daughter Won't Stop Whoring Around." But, Britney? Nah.

Banned!

2006-03-18T12:22:00.000-05:00

BANNED!

Click here for offense

The Oscars....They Were A Few Weeks Ago Remember?

2006-03-15T19:40:00.000-05:00

I had decided to not do an Oscar recap, quite frankly because they were fairly boring and predictable. Jon Stewart did the best he could with the stiff, stuffy audience. Seriously, everyone just needed to LIGHTEN UP a bit. Look we all know you are an A-List crowd, but god forbid you laugh at an off-color joke. The fact that every celebrity played it safe makes it very difficult to do an interesting recap, however I'll give it a try....

When you have to hold on to your dress to keep it balanced you may have made the wrong choice.

Catherine Keener enjoys a game of Tetris during the opening monologue.

Ben Stiller makes the worst dressed list wearing the latest from the Trojan Collection.

Yeah, I thought the Chicken Little sketch sucked too.

Helena Bonham Carter must have lost her brush down her cleavage...and her mirror...well, and her taste.

Uh...does someone want to tell the Academy we banned segregation decades ago?

Keira's necklace cost so much she was forced to do her own hair. On another note, if Winona Ryder and Natalie Portman had a baby.....

Naomi Watts and Michelle Williams got into a catfight before the show. Michelle won.

Angelina's won one. Brad's been up for one. But, dammit Jen you get an awesome gift bag!!

When Russell Crowe is the happiest one there, you know there's a problem.

Someone got fired for this and it wasn't Will Ferrel.

"I can no longer laugh due to all the botox."

Look, Frances, we knew you weren't going to win either but you could have at least washed your hair.

Into the Blue, Fantastic Four, Sin City, and Honey...um, why was she there again?

"Johnny Cash would've kicked Capote's ASS Philip Seymour Hoffman!"

Freakiest commercial EVER.

That's karma for making Elektra.

First thing Jake Gyllenhaal did when the show ended? Run to give Jon Stewart a hug. You can make your own Brokeback joke.

Better late than never!!! Hope you enjoyed it!!!!

Don't Vote For Chris Daughtry!!!

2006-03-14T18:02:00.000-05:00

I was waiting to confirm this rumor before I did a post. According to Access Hollywood, American Idol's Chris Daughtry, who performed an awesome rendition of Fuel's "Hemorrhage" two weeks ago, has actually been approached by the band to possibly replace the lead singer, who recently vacated the position.

Idol judge, Randy Jackson even confirmed the rumor saying, "I think he has a shot. Chris just got offered to be in the band Fuel, the lead singer is gone so they are trying to get it together."

Chris is unable to accept such an offer due to American Idol's contractual obligations which is quite unfortunate because I think this is a way better chance at success than he'll get by staying on the show, (cough) Bo Bice (cough, cough). So, if you want to see Chris Daughtry have a long career, maybe you should consider NOT voting for him, thereby getting him booted and freeing him from his AI duties.

In case you missed it, watch Chris sing "Hemorrhage" here.

Also in AI news: Sorry to disappoint you ladies, but Ace has a girlfriend. Rumor has it that he's been dating Half and Half star Essence Atkins. You can check her out here.

What We Didn't Watch Last Night

2006-03-14T10:06:00.000-05:00

Talk about no Buzz.

Louis-Dreyfus is taking her most recent risk with a new sitcom, "The New Adventures of Old Christine," which premiered with back-to-back episodes on CBS last night (Monday, March 13) at 8:30 p.m. ET/PT. (Starting next week, March 20, you can watch every Monday night at 9:30/8:30 Central.)

She is, of course, something of a TV icon, having portrayed Elaine Benes in the eternally popular "Seinfeld." But it's been eight years since Elaine, Jerry, George and Kramer said goodbye. Did anyone know this was going to be on last night? Normally when a Seinfeld cast member has a new show the ads are jammed down our throat every commercial break.

Now it's been a little while since a member of the Seinfeld did a TV show that got a huge network advertising push and still had nobody watch it. I mean with two shows by George, one by Kramer and one by Elaine - you figured the laws of averages with people that funny has to pan out. This post follows suit in the sense that it is reporting on a show that I didn't watch a day after it premiered. I guess CBS doesn't quite push the mid-season/summer replacements with the same Gusto it does in the Fall. Remember people, there is a reason it is getting its debut in March...it probably sucks.

To begin with, Louis-Dreyfus plays a single mother named Christine Campbell who finds out from complete strangers that her ex-husband has a new girlfriend, also named Christine. As one of the strangers says: "It's kind of like she's the new Christine. Which I guess would make you the old Christine."

Her character's relationship with her ex-husband, Richard (Clark Gregg), is "as great as we can possibly make it. There's inherent conflict there, but, yes. In the pilot episode, I talk about it like nothing has really ever changed just because we're divorced. It's, like, better than most people's marriages."

And then "old Christine" finds out about "new Christine," who turns out to be "perky and kind."

But she's already thinking of "The New Adventures of Old Christine" as an ensemble along the same lines as "Seinfeld." She explains: "We have an incredible cast and really talented actors. And, I don't know, it's a very congenial set, and I am just having a good time. I don't know what else to say. I'm having a good time like I did back then."

Did anybody watch this last night? If so, let us know how bad it was. And if not, maybe some of you should tune in next Monday and tell me if it’s horrible or not.

Mmmmhhhhh Doughnut Burger

2006-03-10T23:00:00.000-05:00

Post Peace Corps Brian Troy would love the newest taste sensation in minor league baseball: the doughnut burger.

I kid you not. The Gateway Grizzlies of the Frontier League promised to create "Baseball's Best Burger" in time for the team's opener in late May. And they appear to have succeeded.
The ballpark sandwich will include a hamburger topped with sharp cheddar cheese and two slices of bacon -- all between a "bun" made of a sliced Krispy Kreme Original Glazed doughnut.

If you can find the money to get out to this ballpark calorie counters predict the monster will set you back about 1,000 calories and 45 grams of fat.

Funderberg, who has said he has eaten at least 10 of the Grizzlies' new creations as part of a "sampling process," said the team hopes to sell 100 to 200 of them a night at $4.50 each. He calls it a bargain, considering it is a meal and a dessert in one.

The Grizzlies are no strangers to self-promotion through caloric innovation. Two years ago they introduced what they called "Baseball's Best Hotdog," a dog topped with two strips of bacon, sauteed onions, sauerkraut and cheddar cheese sauce. They upped the ante last year with the "Swiss Brat," a bratwurst with a slice of Swiss cheese in the middle of it, topped with sauerkraut.
Locals who might not be interested in minor league baseball but who want to experiment with clogged arteries will have to buy a ticket. Funderberg said the burger will only be sold inside the stadium gates.

The independent team, headquartered near St. Louis in Sauget, Ill., is in its sixth year of operation.

I'll Attack While I'm Stealing Your Seat On the Couch

2006-03-10T13:08:00.000-05:00

Be VERY Careful residents of Virginia. There is a Mad Dog in your midst that will strike when you least expect it. This boxer will show no restraint as it goes for you pee pee or women part. And if the risk of being maimed wasn't enough, the Virginia Law gives this crazed beast a 'get out of pound free' card. Use your attack wisely Wilma...you only get one.

Dog Bite Law
Virginia

Virginia adheres to the ancient and inhumane "one-bite" rule. In this state, as in ancient England and a minority of 19 other American states, every dog gets "one free bite" -- one free mauling of a human being. However, if the owner or another person caused the accident by being negligent or breaking a law, such as a leash law, then that person will be held legally liable.

This is Shelley

2006-03-09T19:43:00.000-05:00

This is Shelley, one of my best friends and ex-roommate. Not only is she super-hot, but she's an amazing person. She made the following comment regarding the Kate Bosworth post:

"So she is totally hot and all, but I have a more pressing issue. Can one of you please put up a posting about American Idol so I can hear other people talk about how hot my new boyfriend Chris is?"

So, Troy did.

Shelley's Boyfriend...The Exclusive

2006-03-09T10:06:00.000-05:00

CHRIS - AMERICAN IDOL CONTESTANT

THE INTERVIEW

If you don't make it on AMERICAN IDOL, what will you do?
I will continue to pursue my music and live my life with my family. That is, if my affair with Shelley doesn't pan out.

What album would your friends be surprised you own?
Richard Marx.

What's your most embarrasing moment?
I was taking photos with my first band and my leather pants ripped and my butt was showing. It was great.

What would people be surprised to learn about you?
I wanted to be a martial arts film star when I was a teenager and...let's see, well I'm sure my wife would be suprised to know I'm cheating on her.

Do you have any lucky charms?
Shelley's smile.

Who are your heroes in life?
My wife. Especially if I leave her for Shelley and she takes on the burden of our kids.

What's been your toughest obstacle in life?
Fatherhood. Very challenging. Oh, and balancing the double life I lead with my mistress Shelley.

Do you think the audition process was fair?
Yes.

If you win, who will you thank first?
God, then my wife, and so on and so on. And then I'll probably go bang Shelley in my trailer. You know she's a teacher. That's very sexy how she wants to help the youth and shit.

Blue Crush

2006-03-07T15:00:00.000-05:00

I am in love with Kate Bosworth. My obsession began with a box full of Milk Duds and a 64 oz. Coke at the ArcLight Multiplex back in 2002 as I watched Blue Crush. She was my surfing queen. Then I came to terms with the fact that she would never look as hot in person as she did in that movie. So by 2003 I had moved on. My most recent crush began on my Jet Blue Flight home as I fell in love with Reese Witherspoon with her black hair and her southern accent in Walk the Line. But after seeing this pictures today, I have been dragged back to my true first love. I'm sorry Kate. I will never leave you again. Your my everything.

I love you.

i wonder how jealous rob is that she is mine.

Matthew McConaughey Hates Sarah Jessica Parker

2006-03-06T16:00:00.000-05:00

That's the newest rumor surrounding the movie Failure to Launch starring McConaughey and Parker. An insider from the movie claims, “Matthew gets along with pretty much everyone, but he basically couldn’t bear Sarah.” Even McConaughey when asked by Oprah last week about the actress could only muster, "Great comedic timing." He then added: "Very peculiar, too. Man, she’s a very interesting woman. Yeah."

Seriously, you must be one super bitch if Matthew McConaughey doesn't like you. Matthew likes everyone. He's the most laidback dude ever, mostly because he enjoys the smoking of the marajuana, ahem, allegedly. Now, I'm all for the downfall of Sarah Jessica Parker, but being called peculiar by Matthew McConaughey is like being called stupid by Paris Hilton. It's all relative, considering the source.

Oscar Recap Coming

2006-03-05T19:14:00.000-05:00

I'm going to be providing the Oscar recap asap. I didn't want our reader(s?) to fret. Troy was supposed to have his predictions posted since he's seen every Oscar movie. However, he's been too lazy eating bagels and wheat thins. I am just giving a warning, this blog may soon just be Dolt and Dolt......

Stay with us (or me).

Why I Love America

2006-03-03T10:45:00.000-05:00

Reason #2

Why I Love America

2006-03-02T12:56:00.000-05:00

Reason #1

Don Knotts Dies At 81

2006-02-27T10:34:00.000-05:00

Today the entertainment world is remembering the comic legend Don Knotts who passed away on Friday due to complications from lung cancer. He is probably best remembered for his role as Barney Fife on the Andy Griffith Show and to a later generation as Ralph Furley, the bachelor landlord on Three's Company. His 50 year career started in radio and included seven tv series, five emmys, and more than twenty-five films. He is survived by his wife Francey Yarborough, his two children, and his best friend on-screen and off, Andy Griffith.

Sometimes there are those actors who just stick with you. It can't be explained why we like someone in particular, we just do. For me, Knotts was one of those actors. I don't know if it was his sweet face or perhaps his "aw shucks" quality. While he may not have had a career full of Oscars and blockbuster movies, Knotts brought something special and a full committment to every role he played. Though I am too young to have followed his career before he became known as "Mr. Furley", whenever I saw Knotts on screen it brought me a little bit of joy. That is something that can never be taken away.

City of Angels

2006-02-25T09:35:00.001-05:00

I've been back home for 2 full days and as I start the third this morning, I'll be driving up to Los Angeles in a few hours. My plans as I visit my old stomping grounds for the weekend are as follows: eat a lot of food and do nothing on multiple friends couches along with my partner in lazy, Lebowski. That's right, if you want to see me in Holly-hood expect to hang with a 70lb. basset as well. So far my days out of the Peace Corps have consisted of:

Bank
Healthcare
Taco Bell
Laundry
Lebowski
Grocery Store
Taco Bell
Movies
Baja Fresh

In Nebraska I saw Good Night, and Good Luck and Munich. And on Thursday in Laguna I saw Match Point. The best thing about Good Night, and Good Luck was David Strathairn. If your trying to quit smoking don't see this movie. Munich was powerful and violent, but ran a little long. Match Point was the most entertaining of three and comes as a Double Guarnteed Troy pick. If you've been cheated on or you love to cheat, check this film out. And if you would never cheat or haven't been erved'...well, it's very cathartic and you'll feel alive as you expirence cheating stress in the pit of your stomach as you watch. But let's be honest...Scarlett's boobies are Glorious!

Stop Looking At My Va-jay-jay!!!

2006-02-24T12:15:00.000-05:00

Thanks to the writers of Grey's Anatomy I am going to get t-shirts made with this slogan. But that's the only thanks they are going to get from me after last weeks episode. I waited to post this so hopefully everyone has watched by now and if you haven't you are no real fan anyway. Ok, let's say it all together: BAD MOVE, WRITERS!! BAD MOVE!!! At the end of the episode we had George finally admit his feelings for Meredith. Unfortunately, she was all feeling sorry for herself, because boo-hoo my married boyfriend stayed with his wife and boo hoo my mom's crazy and boo hoo my dad left me as a child so I guess I'll go be a slut. A kind of annoying slut at that. So in her moment of weakness (does she have any others moments at this point) we are left with a shot of her pulling off George's shirt and dun-dun-dun, WHAT WILL HAPPEN??? Well, thanks to next weeks previews and Meredith's habitual "sex to fill a void" behavior we all know what happens. At first I thought this was the worst thing that the writers could have done. Especially since, it's going to inevitably lead to sweet, sweet George getting hurt and the world hating on Meredith more than they already do. However, this does indeed make her a real person. Real people do stupid things and hurt people out of their own selfish needs. So, the question is do we want to see flawed characters just because they are more realistic? Or do we want to live in the fantasy land of perfection that can never be achieved? I know, not exactly one of life's greatest debates, but these are the things I think about, so sue me. If you want to read Shonda Rhymes' (creator and writer) defense of Meredith and George, click on the link below.

Shonda Defends Grey's

Bright Lights, Big City

2006-02-24T11:44:00.000-05:00

Ok, ok, we're back. We'll I am at least. Troy is still M.I.A., probably wandering the streets of Los Angeles in shock from all the noise and cars and bright lights, only to wake up and find himself inside of an In and Out or Taco Bell. Mmmmm, In and Out, one great reason to move to California. Troy will be back once he realizes that you don't need a van to get down to the end of Runyan Canyon and that those pale creatures are actually just white people.

Dick Cheney's Gunshot Victim Suffers Heart Attack

2006-02-15T10:11:00.000-05:00

Hah! Got ya again!

It's still the rookies who are shining at the Olympics in Torino. On Monday, 19 year-old Hannah Teeter won the gold in the woman's half-pipe saying afterward that she was "so stoked". Her teammate Gretchen Bleiler won the silver medal. The Americans also won a second gold in speed skating as first time Olympian Joey Cheek solidly outpaced his competitors in the men's 500m. He will donate his $25,000 bonus from the U.S. Olympic Committee to an organization called Right to Play. It is a sort of Peace Corps for athletes, in which they travel to underprivledged nations to teach life skills.

Tuesday proved to be another failed attempt at a medal for Bode Miller. After placing first in the downhill portion of the men's alpine combined, Miller disqualified himself when he straddled a gate in his 1st slalom round. In an even bigger surpise, the U.S. did still manage to capture a gold medal in the event. An unknown who was racing in his first Olympics, 21 year-old Ted Ligety took home the gold. He is the youngest member of the men's alpine team. Miller has three more events to compete in, while Ligety has two.

In skating news, American Johnny Weir is in 2nd place after the men's short program. But, it will be hard to beat the hugely favored Evgeny Plushenko from Russia who sits comfortably in 1st. American's Matt Savoy and Evan Lysechek are in 6th and 9th place, respectively.

In today's woman's downhill event, American Lindsey Kilchow will be competing despite her nasty fall on Monday's practice run that sent her to the hospital.

QUESTION: When did it become a prerequisite to be hot to be on our Olympic teams?

Happy Valentines Day

2006-02-14T07:39:00.000-05:00

Be Mine.

Dick Cheney Shot Someone!

2006-02-13T08:11:00.000-05:00

Ha! This post is really just about the Olympics, however seriously, DICK CHENEY SHOT SOMEONE!! It just keeps getting better and better.

Anyhow, with Troy M.I.A., I now have the daunting task of taking over the Olympics coverage. I thought I would get off by just making a few jokes and handling figure skating, but NO, Troy had to disappear and leave me with the rest of the reporting. So, I ask you all to bear with me.

Our veteran Olympians fell fast and furious over the weekend. In the men's downhill Bode Miller didn't live up to the hype, placing only 5th. This could be due to the fact that he was spotted in a bar late the night before the competition. Or it could be that he chose to not take advantage of the inspection run the morning of the competition. Or the fact that he chose to wear a pair of skis that he had only skied in once before. Or the fact that he just isn't really that into the Olympics which he has stressed in many interviews. Suck it, Bode. In short track speed skating, Olympic champion Apolo Anton Ohno, lost his chance at gold in the men's 1500M. A last second stumble in the semi-finals left him in 4th place. Both Miller and Ohno are competing in more events in which they can redeem themselves. Or for Bode just hang on to his Nike contract.

It's our rookie Olympians that are taking over the spotlight at the moment. Snowboarder Shaun White a.k.a. "the flying tomato" or as I like to call him "Malachai" took the gold in the men's halfpipe and long track speed skater Chad Hedrick a.k.a. "my future husband" took the gold in men's 5000M. The Michael Phelps of the winter games, Hedrick is favored to bring home 5 gold medals for the 5 competitions in which he is participating. A winter Olympian hasn't taken home that many medals since 1980. For a guy who's been speed skating for less than four years, I'd say that ain't half bad.

In unfortunate breaking news out of Torino this morning, women's downhill favorite Lindsey Kildow had an accident in a practice run and was carried off the hill on a stretcher. Her condition is currently unknown.

That's the latest update. How'd I do?? Does anyone reading even care about this shit?

Don't Dream It's Over

2006-02-12T09:14:00.000-05:00

Michelle Kwan's dreams of a gold medal in Torino were dashed yesterday when the two-time Olympic medalist had to pull out of the competition due to her injured groin. On the ice Saturday morning she struggled and uncharacteristically cut her practice short. She went to see the team doctor around two a.m Sunday morning knowing that something was wrong. She was unfortunately correct. The doctor gave Kwan the dreaded news: she had reinjured her groin. Kwan was then faced with the difficult decision of withdrawing herself from the Olympic competition. With tears in her eyes she gave a heartbreaking interview with Bob Costas where she said,

"It was a hard decision and I said when I put in the petition from the very beginning that if I didn't feel 100%, I would pull myself from the team and after (my groin pull) yesterday I knew that the important thing is for America to have it's best skaters, and I didn't want to get in the way of that."

I may have spoken harshly about Kwan in the past, however there's no snark to be had today. This is a classy and professional move from an athlete who truly cares about the integrity of her sport more than her own Olympic dreams. For that I commend her decision as well as what will continue to be an outstanding career.

Let the Games Begin!

2006-02-11T14:02:00.000-05:00

Ok, it's on. The Torino opening ceremonies were held on Friday night for the XX Winter Olympics. While, there was of course the obligatory artsy over the top productions, I was shocked to see how many celebrities showed up for the ceremony. Scroll down the list to see the worst of the worst.

Meet the good Reverend Brian Williams.

"Spiderman, meet my cousin The Red Goblin."

Damn tourists.

SNL's Rachel Dratch

Oh no, I'm sorry, that's Maculay Culkin

TORINO....OUT!

I love your show The Office!

(Insert your own joke here)

Dancers that symoblize, uh, cows...

No, seriously, see?

"There ain't no party like a snow cone party, cuz a snow cone party don't stop!"

Boy George.

Hey, Tracey Gold, show me that smile!

Oh, Tim Allen....

Maybe Ashley Parker Angel will grace us with one of his inner monologues.

"You shit on my house!"

If only Wilford Brimley and Mike Ditka could procreate...

Those Shriners never quit.

"Boy George, we can take turns."

Powder, The Sequel: After Lightening Strikes

"We Want Hasselhoff!"

Bride of Franken-Cher

Some drunk guy.

Look Susan Sarandon...Hey, wait a minute!

I'll never get those 4 hours of my life back.

Oh yeah, the Grammys Were On Last Night

2006-02-09T13:06:00.000-05:00

The Grammy Awards were on Wednesday night. Rather then bore you with the actual winners, I'll just provide some highlights:

Yoga does a body good.

U2 performs and totally kicks everyones ass.

Geez, Mary why'd you gotta go and ruin it.

John Legend could teach Kanye a thing or two.

Hey Tony Manero, O.J. called he wants his gloves back.

I don't really get country.

"Don't cry for me Simon Cowell, the truth is that I don't need you!"

Whatever.

Nope, still don't get it.

If Ghost Whisperer gets cancelled at least she's got the goods for Elvira appearences.

Help! When did Fergie become a butterface?

Who knew Steven Tyler and Joe Perry had to moonlight as backup singers?

Ebony and Ivory: Remixed?

"Thank God I don't have to read the teleprompter."

Yes, this guy gets to bang Jessica Simpson and you don't.

Hey, Beaker, Where's Dr. Bunsen?

NO!! Not Foghorn Leghorn!! BUNSEN!!

I didn't know Grace Jones could sing!

Oh, I'm just reminding everyone.

Why is Janice Dickensen presenting a Grammy?

Xtina hides her package so well.

U2 Wins the big prize: THE END

Rachel McAdams is a Puss

2006-02-07T16:01:00.000-05:00

Above is the Cover photo of Scarlett Johansson and Kiera Knightley getting naked for Vanity Fair magazine. Annie Leibovitz, uber-photographer, shot the starlets who posed nude for the cover of Vanity Fair magazine's yearly Hollywood issue, to be released tomorrow. Fashion superstar Tom Ford also appears on the cover photo after filling in for Rachel McAdams, from 'Wedding Crashers', who backed out once she was on set because she felt uncomfortable.

What's that all about? It's not like Vanity Fair and Annie Leibovitz are going to make you look bad. And you know there aren't going to be any nipple shots slipping through the screeners. Besides Vanity Fair screams C-L-A-S-S !!! The type of magazine that for the Oscar issue would only put A-lister's on the cover. How is this not a no brainer. Bad move McAdams, it's not like you passed on FHM or Maxim. Angelina also gets naked inside along with George Clooney in a suit with a bunch of bikini-clad women surrounding him.

I walked right passed Kiers Knightley when she was working on St. Vincent on the set of Pirates of the Caribbean 2. She gave me 'that look', and you all know what 'that look' means. Unfortunately, I took an oath when I swore in as a Peace Corps Volunteer that I would not hook up with hot movie stars while living in poverty. That's so not third world. I did however grub on craft service provided by Disney with unmatched intensity.

Reese Witherspoon Kills Photographer

2006-02-07T09:30:00.000-05:00

A photographer facing criminal charges as a result of the altercation with Reese Witherspoon and her kids at a theme park has been found dead. Friends of photographer Todd Wallace said his body was discovered in his Brentwood apartment, according to published reports.

Wallace allegedly shoved a child of Witherspoon out of the way, while whacking another with his camera in his efforts to snap shots of the actress at Disney's California Adventure in September, where the Golden Globe winner was celebrating her daughter's sixth birthday. When two theme park employees attempted to restrain the rampaging shutterbug, Wallace reportedly struck them, while cursing at Witherspoon and causing several children to burst into tears.

It's clear to me that Reese then went home and wished that Wallace would die after striking her kid. And then he did. He died after she wished it. Let's just hope she didn't pray for him to die in exchange of her children’s souls. I bet killing a man seriously jeopardizes her Oscar hopes.

Calling Child Protective Services!!

2006-02-07T09:25:00.000-05:00

See Britney. See Britney drive. See Britney drive with her BABY ON HER LAP! Now, I have no kids so I'm not an expert. However, I'm pretty sure this isn't safe or in fact LEGAL. I guess with all the money K-Fed has mooched off Brit, there wasn't any left over for a car seat. This poor child doesn't have a chance. If his parents don't manage to 1. kill him 2. turn him into a drug addict or 3. Make him just plain crazy white trash, it would be a miracle. See ya on Springer in 20 years Sean Preston!!

UPDATE (2.08.06): Britney has made a statement saying:

"Today I had a horrifying, frightful encounter with the paparazzi while I was with my baby. Because of a recent incident when I was trapped in my car without my baby by a throng of paparazzi, I was terrified that this time the physically aggressive paparazzi would put both me and my baby in danger. I instinctively took measures to get my baby and me out of harm's way, but the paparazzi continued to stalk us and took photos of us which were sold to the media. I love my child and would do anything to protect him."

Uh, yeah you were protecting him by putting him in MORE DANGER. Child Protective Services is actually going to be looking into this incident so if Sean Preston is lucky maybe they'll take him away from his parents and the kid will actually stand a chance at a normal life.

There Is A God...and his name is Jason Sehorn

2006-02-05T21:19:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, life just brings you a gift so great you want to shout from the rooftops. The estrogen-fueled chat show The View celebrated it's 2000th episode last week (no, seriously) by revisting many of their best moments. I'm sure many of you saw this the first time around being avid View fans, however I managed to miss it. Which is why I am so thankful that this sweet and glorious gift has been bestowed upon me.

Without further ado, I share my gift with you:

There is a God....and his name is Jason Sehorn.

Bravo Has Ruined the Actors Studio

2006-02-05T19:46:00.000-05:00

In case it hadn't happened already, Inside the Actors Studio has now OFFICIALLY jumped the shark. I was perusing the tv channels this weekend and came across the Bravo show. So, I hit the "info" button on the remote to see who was being interviewed fully expecting to be just another Oscar winner. I was wrong. Inside the Actors Studio was profiling....wait for it....MARTIN LAWRENCE! Now, I do not deny that Lawrence is a talented comedian. He makes us laugh and is apparently popular somewhere in the nation since Big Momma's House 2 came in at number one last week. I'm not even saying the student actors couldn't learn something from a comedian. Comedy ain't easy. However, can you see James Lipton saying, "And then in 2001, you did a little movie called Black Knight. Would you please share that experience with us?" If you all think I'm just being a hater, I'm going to let his resume make my point:

Big Momma's House 2
Rebound
Bad Boys 2
National Security
Black Knight
What's the Worst That Could Happen?
Big Momma's House
Blue Streak
Life
Nothing to Lose
A Thin Line Between Love and Hate
Bad Boys
Martin
House Party 2
Talkin' Dirty After Dark
House Party
Do the Right Thing (one exception)

and my personal fav:

What's Happening Now!

I rest my case.

I'm Bored....Let's Do Some Meth!

2006-02-05T18:49:00.000-05:00

Well, it's official. The Olsen Twins aren't the only messed up kids from Full House. Actress Jodie Sweetin, who played middle child Stephanie, revealed to ABC News last week that she overcame an addiction to methamphetamine last year. Her reason for trying the drug: she was unemployed and bored. Uh....okay....I mean, I don't know about you, but I do heroin when I'm bored. To each their own I suppose. Sweetin's addiction continued until an intervention was staged by her Full House co-stars, including Bob Saget, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, and John Stamos. I guess Dave Coulier couldn't be there to tell her to Cut.It.Out! (Sorry, I had to). He must have been too busy sharpening his figure skates. Sweetin has been clean and sober since March of 2005. Hopefully she'll take up needlepoint or scrapbooking to prevent a relapse.

On a side note: Who would've thought she'd grow up to be this hot?

Oops, She Did It Again

2006-02-03T17:30:00.000-05:00

According to the "reliable" In Touch magazine, Britney Spears may be pregnant with baby number two. A "reliable" source says:

"Britney is definitely pregnant again. She's acting the same way she did when she was pregnant with her first child."

Well, great. We already have three Spawns of Federline, now we may be getting a fourth. I used to feel sorry for Britney but if she has let this leech hang on for this long, she may be as crazy as he. But, I guess she proved that on Chaotic, not that I watched that or anything. Really, I didnt. Oh well, look on the bright side, maybe one of these kids will be lucky enough to inherit daddy's musical talent.

God, remember the good ol' days when all she did were cool things like this:

Ahh, those were the days....

Town Troy = DVD Troy

2006-02-03T08:36:00.000-05:00

Now that I moved to the big city I get to enjoy all those goodies that come along with being a volunteer who lives in town. I used to make fun of those soft wussy volunteers throwing barbs at them like 'Town Snob'. Well I'm happy to report that I am one now, at least for 13 more days.

That's right suckas I living it up Kingstown style. So what does that mean? It means I don’t have to walk 2 hours to order food from a restaurant/shop. It means I can go see movies at the Cinema every week and not have to worry about catching a van home after 5pm. And it also means I can rent DVD's from the pirated DVD store in town and not have to worry about getting them back the next day.

Last night I rented 3 movies, rent 2 get 1 free. All bootlegs - but the good kinda bootleg, copies of the actual DVD not camcorder in the movie theatre, although they have tons of those. I rented The Aristocrats, Hustle & Flow and Old Boy. Only Old Boy wouldn't work, which is pretty standard odds for down here, 66% success rate. Kind of a shame because I did get to watch the first hour of Old Boy and was intrested in where it was going.

I learned two things from my rentals last night.

Terrence Howard was the Best Actor of the year with his roles in Crash and Hustle & Flow.
The Aristocrats is the dirtiest, sickest, crudest joke you've never heard and everyone should tell it to a group of people who haven't heard it before at least once. I'm going to tell it today. God help me.

What the hell is The Aristocrats, here's the review
Oldboy review

Jumanji in Space

2006-02-02T09:17:00.000-05:00

I saw Zathura a few nights ago at the Kingstown Cinema. I was officially the only person in the theatre, minus the lady who works the concession stand. She snuck in about 10 minutes into the flick to join the fun. This was a great movie, but I get the feeling it's as popular back in the States as it is in the Caribbean. Which means no ones going. Or it could be that I don't have enough 7 year-old friends.

John Favreau, the man we first saw in Swingers and who recently directed Elf with Will Ferrell directed Zathura, this family/action film. Maybe I've been lucky with family films lately, but the last few I've seen have been a lot better than the other crap out there.

I don't think I've seen Jumanji all the way through, I've only seen good chunks of it through the years. But I say this is a better verson of that movie. Better acted. Better directed. Better Robots. This movie is based on a book by the same author as Jumanji so it's pretty easy to figure out the plot:

Space Gameboard. 2 Kids. Space Adventure ensues. Must finish game to go home.

The director does exactly what you'd want him to do when you go see this type of movie. There should be a new rule that great directors have to make a film every 4 years that can sold to 7 year-olds. It might bring in a whole new demographic of losers like me into the world of family/kids films.

By far my favorite line in the movie is when the older brother spins and receives the card - Your Robot is Defective. A little robot shin high turns the corner ready to destroy. The kids laugh at this little angry robot and the older brother yells, "Robot, get me a juice box Bi-aaaatch"

So I say:
FOR SURE MATINEE.
DEFINTE RENTAL
grab a kid, a date or your mom and make this movie happen.

Turn the Page

2006-01-31T22:21:00.000-05:00

I moved out of my village today. Rose Hall has been my home for the last 2 years and will stay with me for the rest of my life. A very sad afternoon.

This is a picture of me wide eyed and scared to death when I first arrived on island, ready to spend the next 2 years of my life as the only 'Whiteman' in a rural farming village in the jungle of St. Vincent.

The Troy Has Spoken

2006-01-29T20:41:00.000-05:00

IT’S COMMMMING!

This Thursday I will have no home. I move out of my village on Tuesday and the last 15 days on island I’ll be bouncing around other volunteer’s homes. Crashing on couches and spare beds, bouncing from village to village, I’ll be all over the island. Staying by a fellow volunteer’s home just long enough so that they don’t figure out how incredibly annoying I get after 3 days in close proximity. With so much movement on the horizon, one thing you can bet I’ll be doing this week is making sure I track down a TV with CBS this Thursday night as Survivor kicks off a new season.

This is the 12^th season of Survivor and that can only mean one thing. I’m old. I remember sitting down to watch the first season in my snake filled apartment just after graduating from college. I was soaking in my last few weeks as collegiate bum in Blacksburg, VA preparing to pack up the truck and move out West to mix martinis and make something of myself. Didn’t happen, but that’s another post.

I have watched a bunch of seasons of Survivor, but have missed my fair share throughout the years as things like LIFE and a JOB sometimes get in between Troy and Reality TV. Don’t listen to Dolt, this is a good thing. But I’m going to give this season a chance and take full advantage of the TIVO/DVR technology and get my Jeff Probst on all winter long.

This season the show is in Panama and they start out with 4 tribes - old men vs. old women vs. young men vs. young women. Now that sounds cool. There’s also a place called Exile Island, where I think one castaway every week is sent to…get this…spend time alone! Now that sounds LAME. I’ll tell you what, if this season sucks then I’ll have no problem saying…LATER! That’s right, I’m holding everyone accountable. CBS better bring some crazy unbalanced head-case nut jobs that are starved without food and are willing to do anything for a Million dollars. Really dumb people that I really really hate but never get voted off would also be helpful.

I’m sure I’ll dig it. Don’t worry, if I think this season is horrible and bail, you’ll still get a recap from Dolt. It’ll be a cold day in hell when she quits that show, at the very least she'll be all over it to let you know how horrible it is.

Kanye West is a Giant, Arrogant Ass

2006-01-28T11:08:00.000-05:00

The cover of next month's Rolling Stone features rap-star and all around over-opinionated jackass Kanye West impersonating Jesus Christ. Because he thinks he's comparible to Jesus Christ. Because he struggled with adversity just like JESUS CHRIST. Because he just an EGOTISTICAL JACKASS, quite unlike JESUS CHRIST. Here are some quotes from the article:

"In America, they want you to accomplish these great feats, to pull off these David Copperfield-type stunts," he says. "You want me to be great, but you don't ever want me to say I'm great?"

"'Gold Digger' was the best song of the year and should have been nominated for a Song of the Year Grammy. That's a gimme Grammy."

"If I was more complacent and I let things slide, my life would be easier, but you all wouldn't be as entertained," he says. "My misery is your pleasure."

His misery is our pleasure...for our entertainment...GET IT, JUST LIKE JESUS CHRIST. Because you know, nothing entertains me more then a man getting nailed to a cross.

Lost Secrets Revealed

2006-01-26T14:41:00.000-05:00

I HAVE THE SECRET TO LOST FIGURED OUT!!

The Others aren't abducting people to kill them or convert them, they just want to give them MAKEOVERS!!! What else could explain why Claire still looks this good and still wears this much makeup after being on a deserted island for 50 days? Haha, I'm so smart, suckers!!

Dream a Little Dream

2006-01-26T13:54:00.000-05:00

So theres this quiz over there on Rees's site. The following question was put to me by one of my friends who filled out the quiz but didnt post it. She just emailed me her answers. She said she didn't post it because she's too pretty. That's what she told me, word for word. A quote and I never paraphrase. 'I am too beautiful to post my answers.' She is crazy hot...but...thats still weird. Not posting cause she's too hot, it doenst make any sense at all. Anyways, the question was GREAT and now i put it to you:

if there was a machine invented, a dream machine, that recorded all your dreams and you could rewatch them later, but only in front of all your family and friends, would you use it?

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, NO, IT'S THE SUPERNETWORK!!!

2006-01-25T09:31:00.000-05:00

In an unprecedented move, the WB and UPN are combining programming to create one network called The CW. The new network, which will be aimed at a younger audience, will launch in the fall. Both networks have been struggling for the last decade to turn a profit with little success. With classic programming like The Mullets and Tarzan, I really don't understand why.

**Table courtesey of msn.com

Nice Guy Eddie Dies

2006-01-25T08:29:00.000-05:00

Actor Chris Penn, brother of actor Sean Penn, and known best to us as "Nice Guy Eddie" in Quentin Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs, was found dead at his residence in Santa Monica yesterday. Penn had starred in no less than 57 movies over his career, and was only 43 years old at the time of his death. Police said that there were "no obvious signs of foul play" and that an autopsy would be conducted to determine the cause of his death.

Box Wine Rules!

2006-01-24T11:24:00.000-05:00

Rees26 is at it again. Not only has yours truly, TROY, helped the little wine lover find true love (3rd post down and very classic) on the internet. She's got a questionnaire that she is having people fill out today. I headed over and gave my answers, so you should too. I mean at the very least go over there to discover what color underwear I'm wearing today. If you don't know her, who cares?!? Make a name up and answer away under the comments because I've been over there all day refreshing like a mad man trying to figure out what book to buy next and what’s a good song to download.

Rees26http://rees26.blogspot.com/

Hurry up and click the link and fill out the questions or I'll call you a Lame-O. Just ask Andrew, that's not a fun thing to be called.

Don't Call it a Comeback

2006-01-24T09:02:00.000-05:00

Well, all good things must come to an end. On last nights Skating With Celebrities, Todd Bridges became the show's first casuality. He seemed to be a fan favorite but unfortunately couldn't quite get it right on the ice. He was genuinley disappointed in his performance and I felt bad for him. I for one was sad to see him go. It's a lot more fun to watch Todd, than it is to watch wax figure Bruce Jenner. Too bad the audience doesn't vote, Bridges probably could have pulled off a Master P. Sorry, Todd...I was rooting for you.

In Case You Missed It

2006-01-22T09:03:00.000-05:00

Well, what can I say? Here's Whitney Houston in the middle of the night having a craving for some candy (bars). I seriously don't know why people think she's on drugs. What's that you say? Uh...no way, crack is whack, remember? God, you all are sooo judgemental.

Golden Globes Fashion Review

2006-01-21T11:28:00.000-05:00

BEST CLEAN-UP - MICHELLE WILLIAMS
Let's start off nice. She's come along way from the farm. I love this dress, the use of texture and color is amazing.

THE OSCAR MEYER AWARD - MARIAH CAREY
Anytime I can hate on Mariah is a good time for me. Why was she even there?

THE HOMECOMING QUEEN - ANNE HATHAWAY
I wore this to my junior homecoming in 1995, seriously.

BEST USE OF A CONCEALED WEAPON - RACHEL WEISZ in my Grandmother's Curtains
Now is it me or is that thing coming out of ther shoulder her holstered sword from The Mummy Returns?

WORST ACCESSORY - KEIRA KNIGHTLEY
Rachel Weisz must have given her the tie backs from my grandmother's curtains to use as a makeshift belt. Keira also wins the award for worst hair of the evening.

MOST DISAPPOINTING - REESE WITHERSPOON in vintage Chanel
A rare fashion mistep for Reese. The top flattens her awesome rack and her dress looks like they forgot to hem it. I want my stars to look like movie stars, not like they are going to a 5 year olds birthday party in 1959.

BEST DRESSED WOMAN WHO WAS A MAN WHO'S REALLY A WOMAN WHO LOOKS LIKE A MAN... - FELICITY HUFFMAN
This Marchesa gown is the epitomy of a Grecian Goddess, absolutely stunning.

BEST POSTURE: SCARLETT JOHANSSON
Holy Boobies, Batman!! People say that Scarlett Johannson keep her golden globes on display too often, however I think she cannot help it, I say those puppies have a mind of their own.

MOST IMPROVED - PAMELA ANDERSON
It took me a few seconds to recognize who this demure creature was and when I did I was knocked out of my wine-induced stupor. But, then I saw the barbed wire tatoo and all order was restored in the world.

MOST COLOR-COORDINATED - MARCIA CROSS
A lot of critics hated that a red-head wore an orange dress (I say coral, but whatever), however I think she looks wonderful. Not many people could pull this look off, but I think she did it to perfection.

MOST LACKADAISICAL - MARY-LOUISE PARKER

She is so cute, really. However, this is the least amount of effort I've seen from anyone in a long time. It looks like she woke up an hour ago and said "Shit, do I have something important to do tonight?" In a mad panic, she borrowed a dress from her neighbor and picked a flower from her garden before hitching a ride to the hotel.

THE GHOST FROM THE TITANIC AWARD - ELLEN POMPEO
Seriously, people.

BEST DRESSED. PERIOD. - JESSICA ALBA
Look at her...perfection. Need I say more?

WORST DRESSED. PERIOD. - DREW BARRYMORE
So many jokes have already been made about this dress, but what I want to know is: How is it even comfortable to not wear a bra with those huge things!?

I'm Busy Feeling Up My Globes

2006-01-21T11:05:00.000-05:00

I am going to refer everyone to tvgasm.com for their Golden Globe recap. I couldn't do any better than this. So here you go...

A Bareback Breastacular!

In case you somehow missed it, here's a nice pic of Scarlett Johannson getting felt up by Isaac Mizrahi, while Ryan Seacrest looks on wishing he were getting felt up by Isaac Mizrahi.

Where in the World is Carmen Dolt-Diego

2006-01-21T10:50:00.000-05:00

New Contest. Can you discover...
Where in the world is Carmen Dolt-Diego?

The ACME Detective Agency is dedicated to stopping the efforts of Carmen Dolt-Diego and her V.I.L.E. gang. Make sure you check in with The Chief. Carmen Dolt-Deigo was last spotted commenting on my post about No Globe, but hasn't posted herself since last Monday. There are rumors she has been spotted in Terhan giving rubdowns to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Please submit your guesses to the comments section.

Friends of Mine are Friends of Yours

2006-01-19T23:00:00.000-05:00

I have come to terms with the fact that this blog is just a small fish in a big ol' pond. But, over here at Troy and Troy (Did I say Troy and Troy, I meant Dolt and Troy) I'm very comfortable with our role. And that role is to give those twenty people who visit this site a few minutes of diversion while on the net at work or home. Were doing the best we can, but let's face it...a lot of people do it a lot better than us.

Fortunately, two of these people are very good friends of mine. And that means I hope I'm able to provide you with a few more places on the net to wander or maybe your just looking for a chance to spy on my friends. It's an honor to send you from here to there. I stop by quite often, and I hope you get the chance as well.

Do it! No, seriously...DO IT!

Rees26
http://rees26.blogspot.com/

"Come quickly! I am tasting stars!" - Dom Perignon

That quote about sums it up. This chick is way cool, and you'll follow her along on this crazy trip called life and completely fall in love...with wine. Oh, and her too, she's very lovable...but definitely the wine. She's like an expert on that. I'm on this site all the time, cause when I make comments on how she should live her life, she nods politely rather than telling me my advice sucks...cause it usually does.

O Silent Escort
http://www.apsaras.org/

This guy is wicked smart. A friend of mine I keep around if I ever need to make someone else look silly. He'll make this person look silly by saying something really smart, and then I'll remind everyone that I'm very good friends with that guy who just made that other guy look foolish, because whatever smart thing he said not only made him look foolish, it also self destructed the person previous statement/argument. He's also an IT guy, so if you have any problems with your computer or any friend has problems - no matter how small...email him. He's got plenty of time.

Toe Pick

2006-01-18T17:10:00.000-05:00

Tonight I bring you Skating with Celebrities. That’s right people, FOX decided to copycat Dancing with the Stars and throw those celebs on ice and hope for a broken bones creating ratings gold. So why in the world am I doing a post on this? Well...you did do a post on Shatner's kidney stone this morning, didn't you? Shut up. Well a good friend of mine and regular visitor of this blog is the wife of Different Strokes star, Todd Bridges. Whatcha talkin about Brian? (sorry Todd, never again) (allow time for Todd's long sigh...and...ok).

While living in Hollywood I got the chance to work along side Dori Bridges on a daily basis. I was able to forge a great friendship and listen to her tell me I was going to burn in hell for all eternity for my sins. Now that I think about it...what a downer. But she's the best, and through her I got to meet Todd.

Long story short Todd is a class act and very cool guy. I've had the pleasure of getting to know him through Dori and was a better man for it. I'd let Todd watch Lebowski...for like...ever. Todd, want a basset hound? So everyone at Dolt and Troy...that would be me and Dolt, is rooting for Todd to make it past the second week tonight on the show. That's right Todd, were not even putting the pressure on you to finish 3rd, let alone win. WE SAY: SECOND WEEK! SECOND WEEK!

So tune in. And those of you who aren't missing Lost or Veronica Mars for nobody, head over to FOX tonight when you get a commercial and root for Todd and wish him luck. Let's all pray Dori gets him back in one piece.

The show will be hosted by Olympic gold medalist and world champion Scott Hamilton. Here's a list of the celebs who will be participating:

Actor/comedian Dave Coulier ("Full House") with two-time Olympic figure skating medalist Nancy Kerrigan;
Olympic decathlon gold medalist and television personality Bruce Jenner with world champion pairs figure skater Tai Babilonia
Actor Todd Bridges ("Diff'rent Strokes") with three-time U.S. national pairs figure skating champion and world championship medalist Jenni Men
Actress Kristy Swanson ("Dude, Where's My Car?", "Buffy the Vampire Slayer") with two-time Olympic pairs figure skating medalist and world champion Lloyd Eisler
Singer/songwriter/actress Deborah Gibson with four-time world figure skating champion Kurt Browning
Television personality, reporter and weather forecaster Jillian Barberie ("Good Day LA," "Fox NFL Sunday," "Good Morning, Miami") with three-time U.S. pairs figure skating champion and world championship medalist John Zimmerman

No Globe

2006-01-18T16:48:00.000-05:00

ummm...that was the worst Golden Globe recap ever. A few pictures to small to see of the red carpet for half the day, and now nothing. Oh how the mighty have fallen. I remember when this site used to be cool and people were guessing the weight of a goat...I mean sheep.

Troy's taking over the Oscar coverage! At least until Dolt yells at me, screaming "Know Your Role! I Do Award Shows!" I kid, I kid, I joke, I joke. For real though, Dolt's working really hard for the 'man' as she was recently hired running numbers for the Greek Mafia. I'm serious.

Shatner Endured Horrible Pain

2006-01-18T07:14:00.000-05:00

Actor William Shatner has sold the kidney stone he passed last fall for $25,000, with the money going to Habitat for Humanity. Shatner reached agreement Monday to sell the stone to online casino GoldenPalace.com.

At first I thought how in the world does someone sell his Kidney Stone for 25 grand. Then I remembered a good friend of mine describing the pain he felt as he passed one. And I thought...ONLY 25 grand!

Disclaimer: This post has been created solely for the purpose of stalling as we all wait for Dolt's Golden Globe report & review. What a slacker, that girl probably went got a job or something.

Troy's Picks (without Dolt's permission)

2006-01-16T11:11:00.000-05:00

The Golden Globes are on tonight, at 8pm. Here are the nominees. Post your predictions in the comments section. Since Dolt was too lazy to pick movies, or very nice by including me...Here's who should win, or who will win, I'm not quite sure which. If I'm right, it's whose going to, and if I'm wrong it's who should of. My choices for some of the big movie categories:

BEST MOTION PICTURE, DRAMA: Well...I didn't see one movie in this category. So, hmmmm...how about...Brokeback Mountain. That got a lot of press right? Yeah, Brokeback. And I heard Woody Allen's film was good, but probably cause all his other have sucked for about 15 years.

BEST ACTREES, DRAMA: Who cares really. Let's give it to Judi Dench. Is she in anything this year?

BEST ACTOR, DRAMA: I only saw Cindrella Man in this one, and Crowe was good. But I'm going with Phillip Seymour Hoffman since I've heard Capote is kick ass.

BEST MOTION PICTURE, MUSICAL OR COMEDY: Didn't see anything in this category either. I'm stumped. How about...pick the third one down, that always worked on Scantron Tests.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS, MUSICAL OR COMEDY: HA! Judi Dench is in this one! I'm going with her.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR, MUSICAL OR COMEDY: I'll give it to Nathan Lane, since its way lame if the category is named Musical and no one wins anything from a Musical.

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: DUDE! I actually saw a movie in this one, Kung Fu Hustle and it was AWESOME!

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS, DRAMA: More girls...no clue?

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR, DRAMA: Will Ferrell is funny, and he plays a Nazi right? Yeah...haven't seen it. The only performnance I saw was Paul Giamatti in Cindrella Man, so, umm him?!?

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS, DRAMA: Speilberg, nuff said. So far the only confident pick I've made seeing nothing.

Hope my picks helped you win the office pool. What can I say, movies are what I do! Can't wait til the Oscars. And I dont't want to hear ANY complaining out there. Troy OUT!

Ok, that was nice and funny Troy, now here are the real picks from the real expert:

Brokeback Mountain, Felicity Huffman, Heath Ledger, The Squid and the Whale, Reese Witherspoon, Joaquin Phoenix, Michelle Williams, Paul Giamatti, and yes, Steven Spielberg

Golden Globes Tonight

2006-01-16T10:33:00.000-05:00

The Golden Globes are on tonight, at 8pm on NBC. Post your predictions in the comments section. Here are my choices for some of the big tv categories:

BEST TV SERIES DRAMA: Lost (Grey's Anatomy could sneak in here as GG's like to reward the newest and hipest)

BEST ACTREES, DRAMA: Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer (this is a tough category with Glenn Close and Geena Davis however I think that Kyra is long overdue for some true Hollywood recognition)

BEST ACTOR, DRAMA: Patrick Dempsey, Grey's Anatomy

BEST COMEDY: Entourage (My Name Is Earl could beat this Hollwood insider, however HBO rarely loses)

BEST ACTRESS, COMEDY: Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds (The Desperate Housewives ladies will split the vote letting allowing MLP to grab the prize)

BEST ACTOR, COMEDY: Jason Lee, My Name is Earl (The voters are more likely to reward Lee. He is the true heart of MNIE, however don't count out Steve Carell...he's had one hell of a year).

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy (Sentimental votes may give it to Joanne Woodward, however this is the Globes, not the Emmy's so my bet is on Oh)

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Jeremy Piven, Entourage (Sentimental votes may give it to Paul Newman however....)

Figure Skating....ALL WEEKEND!!

2006-01-15T19:25:00.000-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your United States Olympic Figure Skating Team:

Ladies:

Sasha Cohen
Michelle Kwan
Kimmie Meisner

Mens:
Johnny Weir
Evan Lysacek
Matt Savoie

Pairs:
Rena Inoue and John Baldwin
Marcy Hinzmann and Aaron Parchem

Ice Dancing:
Tanith Belbin and Ben Agosto
Melissa Gregory and Denis Petukhov
Jaime Silverstein and Ryan O'Meara

The United States Figure Skating National Championships were held this weekend in St. Louis, Missouri. This being an Olympic year, there was a lot more riding on this competition than normal. Those who finished in the top three were named to the Olympic team, (unless you are Emily Hughes) and go on to compete in Torino, Italy next month.

The highlight of this particular competition was my girl, Sasha Cohen, pulling through a bought with the flu, capturing her first gold medal at Nationals. She finished marginally ahead of 2nd place Kimmie Meisner and 3rd place Emily Hughes. One has to wonder if she pats herself on the back for her accomplishment or tells herself she only won because of the absence of Michelle Kwan, the 9-time Nationals champ.

The real controversy was behind Kwan's absence. She is arguably the most decorated figure skater in the sport today. However, she was unable to compete in the Nationals due to a groin injury and has spent most of the season out of competiton due to a hip injury. Nonetheless, Kwan petitioned for a spot on the Olympic team and in a meeting held last night after the ladies competiton, the U.S. Skating Committee named her to the Olympic team instead of bronze medalist Emily Hughes.

In my humble opinion this is a crap decision. Kwan was hurt and unable to compete, therefore, tough shit. You wouldn't allow a football team who had injured key players go to the Super Bowl because when they are healthy they are the best team, right? Kwan may indeed be our best hope for a ladies gold medal, however she didn't manage to pull it off in 1998 or 2002. So, there is no gurantee that she is going to fare any better over Emily Hughes. This is a sentimental vote because at age 25, this is most likely Kwan's last hope for Olympic gold. Only time will tell if she can prove me wrong.

Playoffs......ALL WEEKEND!

2006-01-14T07:39:00.000-05:00

Boo Hoo, We See You!

2006-01-12T12:06:00.000-05:00

Martha Alito, wife to Supreme court nominee Samuel Alito, broke down in tears in the courtroom yesterday, during the Supreme Court hearings. What? Did she think this would be a walk in the park? We are talking about a LIFETIME job. And now it's leading to the debate of have the democrats "gone too far" with their questioning? HUH? I'm sorry, I thought that this was kind of an important postition and that these hearings should maybe be taken somewhat seriously. But, then again, the John Roberts hearings were cake and he was going for the Chief Justice spot. But, what do I know? I'm just a lowly civilian. Perhaps it has to do with the fact Bush is trying to fill Sandra Day O'Connor's position with a conservative, while replacing Renquist with Roberts was somewhat of a no-brainer? Or is the this just a broken system? I would be curious to know if anyone has much of an opinion on this.

If not, we can always talk about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt starting the master race.

ABC Is Cheap

2006-01-12T09:50:00.000-05:00

So we FINALLY got to see the "monster" on Lost last night. And I swear to God, for a hit show to use such HORRIBLE special effects was disappointing. Seriously ABC, spare no expense on one of the shows that saved your asses from third place obscurity. This was worse than the evil spirits that came to take the bad guy in Ghost.

On another note, Mr. Eko is one bad-ass muther-f*cker....

The People's Choice: Armed and Fabulous

2006-01-11T13:34:00.000-05:00

I didn't watch the People's Choice Awards last night. I didn't even know they were on. I had no plans on even doing a post today, let alone one on a crappy award show. So what's the point Troy? Well I don't really have one (big surprise huh?). I guess I'll just say that if America voted Sandra Bullock Best Female Movie Star and Star Wars: Episode III Best movie...then maybe I should just stay down here. No award show should ever let people vote on the internet. It's either that, or else America really sucks at voting (insert presidential joke here). Okay, well here are the winners people if you care...I don't.

Movies:
Female movie star: Sandra Bullock
Male movie star: Johnny Depp
Leading lady: Reese Witherspoon
Leading man: Brad Pitt
Female action star: Jennifer Garner
Male action star: Matthew McConaughey
On-screen matchup: Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson ("Wedding Crashers")
Movie comedy: "Wedding Crashers"
Movie drama: "Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith"
Family movie: "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"
Movie: "Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith"

Television:
New TV comedy: "My Name Is Earl"
New TV drama: "Prison Break"
Comedy: "Everybody Loves Raymond"
Drama: "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation"
Reality show, competition: "American Idol"
Reality show, other: "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition"
Late night talk show host: Jay Leno
Daytime talk show host: Ellen DeGeneres
Female TV star: Jennifer Garner
Male TV star: Ray Romano

Other:
Funny female star: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny male star: Adam Sandler
Crest Whitestrips Fans Favorite Smile: Cameron Diaz
Nice 'N Easy Fans Favorite Hair: Faith Hill
Olay Total Effects Fans Favorite Look: Jennifer Aniston

King Kong's Got Nothin' On Me

2006-01-10T11:57:00.000-05:00

When I go to a movie in St. Vincent at the Kingstown Cinema, I've noticed as I leave I'm always pleased with my movie going experience. Rarely do I leave thinking my evening in town at the cinema was a waste. Out of the 3 dozen films I've seen in my 2 years, the only film I can recall thinking was AWFUL was The Punisher. Why is that? I can look at the list of movies I've seen down here and some of these movies I would never hit the multiplex for and rarely rent back home. Have my standards dropped that much? I know I have impeccable movie taste, but I'm beginning to question my own ability to pick good ones and I think I've lost my touch.

When your removed from a lifestyle you've always known in the States, living in the West Indies you tend to cling onto anything that makes you forget where you are. This is what makes movie night in town so attractive, a chance to escape for 2 hours. When that movie starts and the lights go down I'm no longer in St. Vincent. Which means I'm no longer in my village all alone, I'm no longer thinking how in the hell I'm going to get home to my village tonight, and I'm no longer arguing with drunks at the Rum Shop reminding them...'No, I'm not CIA'. So maybe any movie is going to work down here, regardless of quality or content. This revelation can not be good for my dream as a film critic.

So I saw King Kong last night and loved it. For $10 EC dollars I got 3 hours of cinema excellence. I snuck in some Cheddar Chex Mix and a coke and enjoyed one of the best movies I've seen since I left home. Now what does this mean? I don't know! I'm not sure if that means everyone who reads this needs to go see it, or if I'm that guy recommending a movie who thought Are We There Yet? was Ice Cube in his funniest movie since Friday, a must see. So take my advice with a big warning, go see King Kong. And for those of you who have already, please assure me I have not totally lost my mind down here.

Billy Murf the Sheep

2006-01-09T08:41:00.000-05:00

Rob aka Eggnoger wins the contest with a guess of 60lbs. I'm telling you that sheep was very heavy, but 60lbs is what Errol says and he swears by it. So 60 it is. And that means we have a winner who has threatened to steal my T-Shirt if he didn't win. So good for the Rob, a man so desperate to win, he may have just scared me into making him the victor by threatening my property and life while I sleep in his house this February.

I also ran down the list of names of the sheep for Errol, with Murf following Billy on the list as I read them off. Right away Errol became very happy with the name Billy Murf. I tried to explain to him that they were two different names, but you know Vincentian farmers. Now every child in my village runs around screaming Billy Murf and laughing out of control. It is quite a sight. I think it is the first sheep named in Rose Hall. So congrats to Bryan (Murf) and Mike (Billy), the winning submissions for the sheep's name. Both Cali boys who I can tell spent a lot of time researching. Well done!

I'll send out the prizes in the mail and with the West Indian post you should get everything sometime in May. Thank you everyone for participating, it was very cool seeing all the posts and guesses.

LATER VICK

2006-01-06T18:01:00.000-05:00

I knew it was Busch League and a chicken shit move for Marcus Vick of Virginia Tech to stomp on a Louisville player's calf in the bowl game last week, but I didn't think he'd be shown the door by Virginia Tech. This 'almost' Mike Vick departure might be a good thing as he brought a lot of bad press with other transgressions to the program, in his short career at the school. I was surprised sure, but with this not being the first Marcus incident, I can't say I'm that shocked that a Beamer run team would go this route. This move is going to hurt Virginia Tech a lot next year and as an alumni and fan I'm very upset about it. But this might just be the best thing for the team as it moves towards whatever is next along with the program's integrity, while leaving Marcus behind.

Letterman vs. O' Reilly

2006-01-06T13:08:00.000-05:00

I'd never choose to watch Leno over Letterman based on the host. That choice is no choice at all, Letterman every time. The only reason I could find myself on Leno the few times I'm up that late watching TV, is because Leno booked Kate Bosworth and she's doing the rounds for Blue Crush. Now both of these guys are no Conan, but I was reminded a few nights ago in the Late Night Wars why I will always root for ol' Dave.

Bill O'Reilly was a guest on David Letterman on Jan 3rd and boy did the fireworks fly. Cindy Sheehan was discussed, the woman whose son died in Iraq and has protested in front of Bush's Crawford ranch for most of last year, as well as the war in Iraq. It's a 6 minute video and I was blown away by the Late Show debate. David Letterman handles himself so well debating a man that is impossible to debate, really saying what we have all wanted to say for so long. This is a must watch.

View Video here

It's a Sheep, Not a Goat

2006-01-06T08:57:00.000-05:00

Last Chance Today! I know your visiting the site, but some of you haven't submitted your guess on the sheep's weight yet. So enough of the ninja visits, let us know your out there and put your mark on Mind Over Chatter with a guess. If you win you'll be sporting your new T-Shirt and wined-ing...

(Winde-ing: A West Indian 'grind', that takes place on a dance floor or in a rum shack, where a woman dry humps a man with unparallel enthusiasm as he stands still. It has also been defined as a standing lap dance with clothes on)

...in your living room to the latest Caribbean Music.
Submit Guess on Contest Post here

SAG Nominations Announced

2006-01-05T15:23:00.000-05:00

No noms for Veronica Mars, No noms for The Office. Hey, at least the cast of BOSTON F-ING LEGAL got nominated. I can't wait to hear how Eva Longoria got her Screen Actors Guild card!!

Whatever.

Fake News Takes Over Oscars

2006-01-05T12:10:00.000-05:00

The Daily Show's Jon Stewart has been chosen to host the 78th annual Academy Awards ceremony. What's this mean? This mean you won't see any show tunes at the beginning of the Oscar's that parody two gay cowboys, but you will get a whole lot of funny and I'm guessing the best monologue in Oscar history. However, to make sure you enjoy all the giggles of this high brow comedian make sure you put together a little crash course pre-Oscars on the following light reading and TV watching: NY Times/Washington Post/Meet the Press/Mclaughlin Group/Economist/CNN/PBS/BBC News

Hook em' Horns

2006-01-05T11:29:00.000-05:00

I'm still numb. That was the greatest game I've ever seen. I was so sick of USC's 'chasing history' on Sportscenter, being picked to blow out the greatest teams in college football from the last 100 years in mock games they held leading up to the national championship. I mean they hadn't even played Texas yet and they have them beating the greatest teams of all time. And then to get so many pregame hatin' emails from Dprice. Not an email like USC's gonna win, but emails like Texas doesn't belong and is overrated. To have my man Lanahan and Woodfield backing me up. So sweet.! I've always rooted against Mack Brown, but USC really brought out the Hater in me for some reason. If you don't understand why, ask Lanahan, it usually comes out when your an east coast boy that goes west. Great Game! Now I will go watch Sportcenter to review and remember it all again.